On a calm Sunday evening, Bert and Edna, an elderly couple married for fifty-five years, sat on their porch swing, sipping lukewarm tea. The sun dipped low in the sky, casting a warm golden hue over their yard, where squirrels playfully battled for a discarded Cheeto. Birds chirped merrily in the background, creating a serene soundtrack to their quiet evening.
Suddenly, Edna sighed and turned to Bert, a contemplative look in her eyes. “Bert, let’s discuss our bucket lists.”
Bert raised an eyebrow, a hint of humor dancing in his gaze. “Lists of buckets? Edna, I’m 87. Honestly, my greatest ambition right now is to wake up tomorrow and remember where I put my pants!”
Edna chuckled, shaking her head. “No, I’m serious! Each of us should do something we’ve always dreamed of but never had the chance to do before we leave this world.”
Bert paused, his mind wandering back through decades of unfulfilled dreams. “All right, all right. Skydiving has always been a secret wish of mine.”
Edna’s eyes widened in surprise. “Skydiving? Bert, you fainted for three minutes the last time you knelt down to tie your shoe!”
Bert shrugged with a playful grin. “Well, if I do fall out of the sky, just let me land in the neighbor’s garden. My lifelong goal has always been to haunt him!”
They both laughed, the sound echoing through the warm evening air. “Okay, okay. You take your skydive. I’ll tackle something on my list too.”
Bert narrowed his eyes inquisitively. “And what do you have in mind?”
Edna leaned in, her expression shifting to one of mischief, reminiscent of the twinkle in her eyes from their early days together. “Bert, I’ve always wanted to tell you something.”
Bert swallowed hard, intrigued. “What is it you want to confess?”
“Remember how your favorite recliner always leaned to the left for twenty years?” Edna whispered, leaning closer as if sharing a secret.
Bert nodded, recalling how he had blamed the dog for the chair’s tilt. “Yes, I thought the poor thing had a hobbled leg!”
Edna grinned, her laughter bubbling up. “Well, I did it! After you spilled grape soda on my brand-new curtains in 1989, I jammed a spatula in the bottom of that recliner to get back at you.”
Bert gasped, feigning horror. “You are a monster!”
Edna chuckled, enjoying the moment. “And remember how, no matter what button you pressed, the remote always switched to the Hallmark channel?”
Bert blinked in disbelief. “You said it was haunted!”
Edna smiled slyly. “Nope! I just glued a penny inside the battery compartment. For five years straight, you never missed a Christmas romance film.”
Bert’s jaw dropped in astonishment. “What on earth made you do that?”
Edna took a sip of her tea, her eyes sparkling. “Because slow-motion snowball fights and mistletoe are the best ways to get back at someone, sweetie.”
After a moment of contemplation, Bert leaned back in the swing. “Edna, you know what? I have a confession too.”
“Oh?” she asked, her curiosity piqued.
“Do you remember my Saturday ‘fishing trips’ that lasted for ten years?” Bert said, a glint in his eye.
Edna gave him a quizzical look. “You don’t actually fish, Bert.”
“I know that now,” Bert replied, a note of pride in his voice. “I was at the bowling alley every Saturday, racking up four trophies that are currently hidden behind the water heater in the basement.”
Edna stared at him, incredulous. “You mean I accidentally threw a fake trophy out the car window?”
Their laughter filled the evening air, mingling with the sounds of nature around them.
From that day forward, Edna bought a new recliner, Bert went skydiving, and they began a new tradition of bowling together every Saturday, primarily to keep an eye on each other.
A Heavenly Reunion
After nearly sixty years of marriage, Bert and Edna sadly passed away in a car accident and found themselves at the Pearly Gates. They had maintained excellent health in their later years, thanks to Edna’s dedication to exercise and nutritious meals.
St. Peter welcomed them warmly and led them to their heavenly home, which featured a gourmet kitchen, a luxurious Jacuzzi, a spacious bedroom, and even a pool table.
“Wow! What’s the price of all this?” Bert asked, incredulous.
“Nothing,” replied St. Peter with a smile. “Everything is free—this is heaven!”
Next, he took them to a championship golf course just a short drive away, where they could play whenever they wished, complete with an angel as their caddy and a course that changed daily to resemble the most beautiful greens in the world.
“Wonderful!” exclaimed Edna. “What about the green fees?”
“Free,” St. Peter laughed. “Heaven is here.”
They also toured a five-star restaurant featuring an unlimited buffet filled with prime rib, lobster, Wagyu beef, exotic vegetables, and desserts that seemed to come from dreams.
Still skeptical, Bert pressed on. “All right, but how much are the meals?”
“For the last time, sir… It’s all free. This is heaven!”
Bert paused, his brow furrowed. “So, are there any low-fat, low-cholesterol options available?”
St. Peter chuckled heartily. “You won’t get sick or gain weight in heaven. Eat whatever you like!”
Suddenly, Bert’s face flushed with frustration. Clenching his fists, he yelled at the sky, “THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!” He pointed dramatically at Edna. “We could still be here today if it weren’t for your paleo chicken and bran muffins!”
Edna burst into laughter, and the echoes of their playful bickering resonated in the heavenly realm, a testament to the enduring love and humor that defined their remarkable life together.